


Offensive Scarlet

by octopus_fool



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_fool/pseuds/octopus_fool
Summary: Beorn takes offence at Thranduil's best cloak.





	Offensive Scarlet

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the following prompts of the B2MEM Bingo: March 25: I29 – Beorn (Card 81 - Five Books, Five Characters), Scarlet (Card 30 - Color Burst - Red), “I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon” (Card 134 - Movie Quotes)

Beorn stared at the bright red cloak Thranduil was wearing.

“What is _that_?!”

Thranduil followed his stare. “This is the cloak I wear for festivities like the crowning we are about to watch. Just because I am King of the Woodland Realm doesn’t mean I can only wear greens, even if it is just for the crowning of a mortal.”

“Is that true scarlet?”

Thranduil huffed. “Of course it is. Do you think I would limit myself to inferior dyes? If you want, I can give you the name of the merchant, in case you want to buy some for yourself.”

Beorn straightened to his full height. He drew a deep breath and a deep sound escaped from this throat. Thranduil took half a step back. 

“I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.”

Thranduil’s jaw nearly hit the ground. His eyes were nearly the size of saucers. Disbelieving, he turned to Legolas. “Did he just call me _warthog-faced_?!”

Legolas nodded. “He did, and I believe he also insulted your intelligence.”

“Never mind that. I am _not_ warthog-faced!”

Beorn snarled. “You are, however, wearing clothes that were drenched in the blood of millions of insects just for a bit of colour.”

“They are just insects,” Thranduil said, boredom creeping back into his voice. “You insult me because of a few insects?”

“You do not value them just because they are small. You are just as bad as dwarfs, if not worse.”

“How dare you!”

Bard opened the flap of the tent. “Are you ready for…”

He trailed off, staring at Legolas trying to pry Thranduil and Beorn apart. His eyes wide with effort, Legolas glanced up at Bard. 

“I don’t care if your coronation is today, lend me a hand here!”

**Author's Note:**

> No offence to warthogs - they are actually quite charming animals . ;)


End file.
